I'm okay with me. How about you ?

Hey guys. Recently, I've been told and listened to some of my friends responding to the negative talks that bad people label them. Upon reading their blog post, they reminded me of the incident that caused me to be how I am today.

I am not like how you know me now
I was weak and a helpless girl
Not to mention stupid and a nerd
Whom is incapable to even to stand up and read aloud when asked

I am the girl who is constantly bullied by big boys
Who took my plasticine and threw it in the dustbin
Who can only cry and watch
Helplessly

I am the short, fat, dark and ugly girl
Whom you said could not be any less ugly than this
Yes. I am that girl
Who heigh about 145 cm
And is unable to wear my 'tudung' properly
without the help of my teacher to fix it

I am the very same girl whom people said
Could never be the real biological daughter to both parents
because of the nothing in resemblance
Whom you could just push me aside
and hurt my feelings recklessly
I am HER

I am the one whom you said STUPID
I am the one whom you MOCK in class
I am the girl you push aside in class
I am the girl who is always alone having one good companion
Whom I would defend when he needs me - My good friend

Now,
I'm strong, energetic and might still be a nerd
I can make presentations in front of people easily
I can even talk without script confidently
I have a loud voice which made me unique
No more crying, being helpless when being pushed around
I am brave enough to voice out my opinion

I am not fat, dark, short nor ugly no more
I am chubby
I have tanned skin
I am 164 cm tall
And I am blessed with a mix-ed complexion
I inherited my mother's eyes
Skin, height and frame from my father's

I could not care less how you judged me no more
I AM ME
I'm not you
I'm perfect in every way like what Allah made me
I'm thankful for that

I PROVED you wrong
I'm HERE doing what I love - studying
It's hard - but it's worth it

You made me into what I am today
I'm a little heartless
A little bold and rude
A little of this and that
But hey,
I'm nice to good people
because they deserve it
YOU DON'T
Not a single bit

Forgive me
En light me to favour you
Please

P/S : Copyright reserved. IF you intend to use some parts of this work, do acknowledge the writer. Thanks ! This post is a little long but thanks for your time ! :D

Iskandar

Hello ! Yes. It has been ages since I last update this blog of mine. Too lazy to do it actually. Actually, I wanna talk about a guy named Iskandar. Who's he ? He's my standard 6 classmate. I have not met him for 8 years since I moved out of town and alhamdulillah, I met him online today. (^.^). Goshh. It's something really happy and meaningful to meet your old classmate who seems to remember you. And guess what, he's MARRIED ! OMGOMGOMGOMG ! Kawen awal ! Comel ! 24th July hari tu. OMG. Memang reaction ni melampau but i just can't help it. I LOVE WEDDINGS ! They're so cute, pretty, and magical ! Anyway Is, have a blissful marriage okay. Take care of your wife alright. I believe you're a great guy like you were a great kid before. Best wishes dude :)

Ernie

Hey,
Let me introduce my solely sweetheart Ernie. I met her in 2009 but we became close in 2010. And since then, we're inseparable ! She's petite, skinny, sweet, kuat merajuk and banyak karenah ! HAHA. Sorry Ernie. Either way, I love her. Banyak precious memories dengan Ernie ni. We slept side by side finishing our writing subject last minute assignment sampai subuh. Then the very same morning, we kena stage our drama 'A LETTER FROM THE STAR'. With panda eyes and muka sembab ditambah dengan make-up, we did it !
Seriously, I missed acting, gossiping, memujuk, crying and flirting with this girl. Hugs and kisses tak payah cerita la. I missed those ! Part nak pujuk you merajuk, is my best part. I kenyit2 sikit je you dah senyum. And and time kita nangis together. Best kan ? You were lying on my lap and I comb your hair while you were telling me what made you cried. And kita story jugak dekat bridge Dang Anum. Practice singing and dancing untuk drama sampai pagi. Not to mention siap berblanket semua helping Izul and Fiqa siapkan script. GOSHH. Also time kita teringin nak makan KFC. After class, kita together with Mail naik bus from Lendu pegi Alor Gajah. It was gila but I enjoyed it. Hilang mengidam semua tu. HAHAHA. Ohh ! And last Saturday and Sunday (13 and 14 August 2011), I met her dekat Melaka Sentral (MC). She's working dekat kedai optic. Masa nampak dia, rasa nak jerit and nangis pun ada. But when I saw her, tak boleh nak cakap the happy feeling. The same feeling when I met my roomies. Babe, I love you tau. I'll always be here if you need me okay. Always.

P/S : Sorry la jiwang sweetie. Kinda used to it with you. :P Ohh . Abaikan fenomena gambar blur tuu. Janji bole kenal kira okay. HIHI

My Forever Roomies

Hello !

Yes. As seen above and in the MINE page tab, this is my forever roomies. I've known them since 2009 up until now. Yes. We've been through rough and sweet times together. They're there with me all the time. During my painful break-up with my ex and so forth. I couldn't have asked for another roomies other than you guys. Even though we rarely call or text and keep in contact, still, you guys are the best ! Memang tak cari room mate lain dah. I love you girls ! Sukbean, thank you for the delicious food masa asasi dulu. Kenyang kitaorg semua. Dona, I miss masak maggi banyak2 with you. Not forgetting kita makan cereals (KokoKrunch) for breakfast, lunch adn dinner. LOL . Lastly, Izul. Even though you're the smallest and the cutest among all of us, you mean as much as both Beans and Dona to me. Without you, PTSL 2A will be a living hell. Thank for the awesome script for our play 'A LETTER FROM THE STAR'. I loved my popular character. And, thank you each of you guys for the hugs and kisses and temankan aku time aku baru break-up dulu. You guys made the pain endured a lot less painful and easy. Now, even though we're far apart; Izul in USM, Beans and Dona is in UiTM KBM and I'm in UTM, still, you're here with me. Always. I love you girls. <3 

P/S : From left: Bella, Sukbean, Izul and Dona. 

Girly facts 101

Here's some girly facts about girls. Hope it helps !

1. Girls are highly unpredictable in terms of behaviour they would exhibit.
2. Girls like to gossip.
3. Girls love it when her guy hugs or cuddles her from behind. They'll feel secure and safe.
4. Girls get butterflies with all the stuff to do with the guy she loves/like such as receiving text message and calls.
5. Naturally, girls are more talkative than boys.
6. A girl loves to be pulled by the waist by her guy.
7. Girls can be tricked and lied easily. However, the chances of revealing the truth is high.
8. Girls love it when their guy shows his affection in public.
9. Even though a girl is in a relationship, she likes to be chased by other guys. It makes us feel confident.
10. Girls use sarcasm towards the guy they like because she's afraid to confess that she admires him.
11. Girls don't like to be called 'babe', 'hot', 'sexy'. Just call them using their name.

P/S : Most of the facts are TRUE. Depends how you guys view it. Positive or negative. Have a pleasant day !  Personally, number 3 - 11 works for me. HAHAHA. Comel kot benda alah ni.

One of my favourites

I've been listening to this song over and over a million times. The lyrics are just beautiful and meaningful. Biasa la bila dah malam macam ni, mood romantic habes.

Horoscopes

I found this on Mai Badli's facebook status :

NEVER believe in 3 people :
Sagittarius, Aries, Pisces.
They are the most selfish and mean.

NEVER lose 3 people :
Taurus, Cancer, Capricon.
They are the most sincere and true lovers.

NEVER leave 3 people :
Virgo, Libra, Scorpio.
They can keep secrets, friendship, and they can see your tears.

NEVER reject 3 people :
Leo, Gemini, Aquarius.
They are true, honest friends :)

What's your sign ?
I'm a Virgo <3<3<3

P/S : I don't really believe in such things but I'm not sure about others. Ameer Azam, it does not matter if you're selfish or mean because I love you the way you are. <3

I DO, Ameer Azam

Munchkin,
Though I don't really know how to write loads of sweet poetry to convey how much I care and all, do take note that what I feel for you is something unique and special. You gave me butterflies since the very beginning and up till now. I do not only wish but I intend to see us go really far and strong till the end. I'll be around through the thick and thins, the cloudy and sunny days regardless of the good or bad times. Keep in mind that I love you the way you are.


Yes. I'm in love with this guy.
His name is Ameer Azam.
He's pretty and adorable,
Sweet, funny and full of 1001 surprises !


My dear,
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when with you. I'm just me and I love that.

I Love You Ameer Azam.
Because you're my kind of guy.

Written on June 17, 2011

I hate that I don't hate you

Mikail ,

I hate the way you talk to me,
and the way you cut your hair
I hate the fact that you're scared to drive a car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your stupid high-tech PSP
and the way you understand me
I hate you so much it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme

I hate it
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
even worse when you make me cry
I hate it when you're not around
and the fact that you didn't call

But mostly, I hate the way
I don't hate you, not even close
not even a little bit
not even at all.

Mostly, I hate it when you pissed me off buddie.

Mikail

Dear Mikail ,

This is going to be the very last time I'm confessing my feelings to you. I'm moving on after this. I like you. Really liked you since the very beginning when we met online. I couldn't care much about how not photogenic you are and also I could not care about your perv-ness much because I was hoping that one day you could be better. I have faith in you. After almost 3 years of being friends, unfortunately, you were hopeless. In terms of IT stuff, you're a champ ! But when it comes to girls, and feelings, YOU SUCK. I apologize for being this rude but this is just how I feel. I don't blame you for being immature but the thing is, you have to GROW UP ! Sampai bila you nak stay main PSP tu ? Asyik main game mcm tak ingat benda lain. Sampai bila ? Sampai you realize that you're 30 is it ? Sampai you dah tua ?

Look, I'm not here to yell or humiliate what else scold you. It's just that I care about you a lot. I've given hints, tips and loads of info you need to know about girls and motivation to keep you motivated in life whenever I think you need it. Look around you. You have eyes. Use them to SEE instead if LOOKING. What's the point of having them if you can't see me because I'm right in front of you this whole time.

You know what's sad ? Firstly, I have to admit it is my fault that maybe you're shocked or surprised with the way I professed my feelings the other night.

Mikail, undeniably I can read you like an open book. I know most of the things that you like and the things that you don't. Let me ask you this, what do you know about me ? Other than the things that I told you. What do you know ? It is really devastating for me that you could not even distinguish my voice when I switched my phone with my friend. You did not even noticed I was gone at that particular time. You can't tell when I'm angry or being sarcastic. Did you know that I have different smiles each time ? Did you know that I have at least 3 facial expression that I always do ? Did you know that I'm in love with you through my actions without me uttering it ? From all of the above, I can assure that all the answers for the question is NO. You did not know. You have eyes but you can't see.

Mikail, I don't want to hear you to talk to me about games every single time when we Skyped. I don't want to watch you playing games on your PC and PSP when we Skype because I did not Skype with you to watch that. I Skyped you because I want to see YOU. To know how you're doing. I just want some of your time. To steal and divert some of your attention to me. Not some PSP games and et cetera. I want you to talk to me about stuff not related to IT, games, gadget, world facts and perv things. I want you to talk to me as a person with feelings. Ask me normal daily routine stuff. I want to have a normal grown up / matured conversation with you.

But that was then. After you decided to be passive by not answering any of my calls, text messages and through chat, I'm putting an end to it. Goodbye. Thanks a lot for breaking my heart. Thanks a bunch for making me care, for making me worried sick and for making me puzzled on what wrong I did you. Most importantly, thanks a lot for making me love you. Yes, you win. You know what sucks the most ? It just sucks big time when you really care about someone, and it turns out that he is just not that into you and that he is just interested in something else you're not offering. Thanks.

*This is for you. I just hope you'll have a good life*

P/s : I'm soo over you this time. I'm done. I'm really done. If you happen to be reading this, I'd say, congratulations.

Updated on June 17, 2011

One time

I tried telling you how I feel towards you, M. But the thing is , I couldn't . Why ? Because you were busy and because this is not the appropriate time to tell you this stuff . Being able to skype only for 30 minutes is enough for me to know how are you during this break . I guess if I didn't IM or Skype you , you would just ignore me .

FM , the thing is , I like you . I really do . It has been a while . I know the fact that you know how I feel towards you . You told me you like me . But you are not sure of your feelings . That's alright . I don't mind . I'm not hoping for anything . It's just that , hey man , when I wanted to talk to you , you weren't always there . When you're there , you weren't listening . You were busy doing something else . Usually you were busy playing computer games . I don't blame you for not wanting to chat with me for the fact that I might bore you with lame topic or so . Sometimes , when I said 'It's alright. No biggie . I don't mind' it means do spend some time for me . I missed talking to you so much . I wanted to talk to you . It's not just some okay or alright . I bet you don't know why I like you right ? Of all the guys I could possibly like , why you ? Not because of your looks . But because you yourself . Still blurred ? Think deeper .

Hey , I have a confession to make . I visited your profile daily . Every time I went online , I'll check your profile . I stayed online on Skype the whole day just to make sure that when you are online , maybe I am able to have a chat with you . Call me nuts , pathetic or whatever .  I don't mind .

Dear M , I'm going to tell you once and only this one time . I won't repeat it again . I like you . I would like to know you better . But if you do not have the same feeling , which I know you are doubting yours; it is alright . I don't mind because I told you what I wanted you to know . So , that's fine with me . After telling you , I won't hold anymore feelings for you . I'll move on . I'm going to give other people chance . I'm giving myself some space and chance . I guess what I'm trying to say is , I'll back off .

Written on June 7, 2011

What a day

Hell-O !

I'm going to post this entry in Malay because I'm too lazy to type it in English okay. LOL. Anyway, hari ni saye pindah kolej lagi. &gt;,&lt;. Asek pindah blok je. Ponat eden ni ha. Kejap kejap kena kemas baju lah, buku lah and et cetera. Haissshhhh. Reason pindah ? Actually cmni, adela budak perempuan kat blok saye yg tak nak bayar sewa bilik, dia pun tak pulang kunci bilik kat pejabat kolej. Almaklum la, kolej kat UTM ni semua kena pulangkan kunci bila cuti semester. Back to the story, budak perempuan ni asyik la bawa sorang lelaki masuk blog saye. Sebab selalu sangat dia buat mcm tu, saye terpaksa pindah kolej lain. HADOI. Kena sapu sampah lagi, mop lagi, arrange katil sume. PENAT. Habis berjerawat muka saye. TENSION!!. =,=. Tapi takpe la. Bilik baru ni pun okay jugak. Kipas dia laju. HEHE.

Moreover, hari ni saye pegi cari keje dengan Yatt. Dia dapat keje full time dekat kedai jual alas katil sume. Saye dapat keje part time jadi promoter kat butik baju. Okay la jugak. Eventhough gaji yg dia offer tak banyak, at least ade keje la jugak. Meaning, ade dapat duit la jugak. Overall, esok dah kena start keje. HAISHHH. Dah tak bole nak guling2 and bangun lambat lagi la nampaknya. =,=.


Written on June 1, 2011

etch this

Meeting new people during conferences is something very useful and sometimes it leaves positive etches in our life. Meeting you was one of it. Yes YOU. I think you know who you are. You're such a sweet and funny guy but I'm not interested. I apologize. Not the fact of how nerdy nor geeky or how conventional your looks are, but the addictive feelings aren't simply there. I am unable to bear the guilt of your sweetness and kindness towards me. Believe me. I have had those type of experiences before and the ending is not good. Just don't fall for me. Assume I'm your little -talkative-aggressive-childish-sister. Nothing more than that. Don't like me because in the end I'll hurt you unintentionally.

Written on May 30, 2011

SIFE

It has been quite a few months that I joined SIFE (Student in Free Entrepreneur) club in UTM. I did not think it would affect me much as I put more emphasis towards AIESEC and that I have the opinion that I only need to present the project during the national competition (which will not require much hard work). I guess I was wrong. It affected me in a number of ways. It affected the way I view things, the person I mingled with, the topics that I talked about and it affects my behaviour. Previously I would be somewhat defensive and authoritative. Now, more straightforward, direct and accepting.

WEIRD.


Written on May 26, 2011

Dear You

You know something ? Life is funny in a number of ways . The funny part as I see it is ,

Whenever you thought that you are safe , you're not safe . If you're driving a car , accidents may occur . If you are in love , that love might end . It may end this second , this day , tomorrow or the day after . We will never know . Because we are not knowing what might happen to us , just value what you have right now . Don't take things for granted . You'll never know what you have until it's gone . And if that happens , regretting will not be able to cure those pain . A friendly advice , value what you have with you right now . Don't put it into waste . If you have your parents with you , tell them you love them . Treat them well . Love them like how you love yourself . Cherish their deeds for taking care of you . If you have friends whom stand by you through thick and thin , don't be mean to them . Treat them kindly like how you love your clothes and accessories . Lastly , if you have someone special , love him or her well . Do not be afraid to take chances . Take your risk to fall in love . Take the risk to be in a relationship . Make decisions . It may be stupid . Make that mistake . Life is too simple to not being able to not learn from that mistake . Learn it , embrace it . That's life .

P/S :Don't let me go . I'm waiting , just waiting and still waiting for you to notice . When will you notice me ? I'm tired of waiting and still waiting for you . Wake up . Do not take me for granted . If I go , I will never come back .


Written on January 21, 2011.

Hi

Okay. This is my 2nd blog. Having difficulties with the last one. Kena hack and block. Kalau kena lagi tak tau la nak ckp mcmana.